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Monday, March 31, 2008
Sorry, I was very emotional this few days. So there goes my blog. I can't think of anything to write now as my brain is very much empty and confused. If you don't feel like reading it, you can just click on the 'X' button on your top right hand. Nobody is stopping you. I don't know what I've mention here that makes everybody know what had happened to me. I don't feel anything wrong with my post. If you all care, please stop asking me if I'm alright. I'm NOT! Not at all! People out there please stop waking me up from my dreams. I'm very happy here dreaming in my own world. If you all care, let me be. Even if it means seeing me sad, ok? I know it's not right! But I can't bring myself to the reality at all! You people know what I really want now! So please please please stop asking me if I'm ok, if I'm fine. I can tell you I'm not. There goes the answer you all wants.! If you all really want to help, just quietly be there for me. Stay by my side. Let me go ahead and keep dreaming in my own land and don't let me see the truth.! You know baby, I can never be happier without having you by my side. I know I'm really wrong this time. But, why don't you just give us a last chance? Believe in yourself that you still love me. Don't force yourself to say something cruel to me when you don't mean it at all! Seriously, I really don't think i can live without you. Without your love. Come back to me please! I know you still love me. I know it. You can lie to me anything but not this because I can still feel your love and your feelings to me. Don't try to do funny thing to gek me cos' it won't help. No matter what you do, I'll still be waiting for you to return. I know I did something wrong to make you lost your path, but I believe I can find a way for you to come back! If you allow me this one last chance! Don't let go of this so easily by those influence around you. I said this to you before " Nobody wanna see us together but it don't matter, cos' I've got you" remember? I love you baby! You know, I've lost my words. I simply do not know what to type in here because I wanted to keep this as a secret to myself but ended up making the whole world know what's happenning.!! See, I told you I was born loser. Useless. Good for nothing... I can't do a single thing right. Why do I always have to screw up my own things in my own hand? Why can't I just do a simple thing properly and do it right?! You know? People always say live without regret. But right now, not even reaching my big 21st birthday, I've got so many so many so many regrets in live already. How can I continue to push myself from moving on further? No excuse to do so right? Yeah, I know it.! Don't need to answer and I know the answer for myself. [Believing in my own dreams] bB feL succeeded at 11:09 PM. Saturday, March 29, 2008
I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing tooWhen you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me Days seems to have passed soooo slow. I didn't went to school for 2days already. I know it's damn not right. But, I just can't bring myself to do it. Even if i go to school, I believe I'll be a dead zombie. I rather stay at home so nobody will see how i look like in this kind of situation. I would rather stay at home than going out scarring people off and make meself as a laughing stock to others! Once again, I HAVE TO admit failure ! I'm useless in all sense. I can't do a single thing well and instead i utterly screw them up. I could hardly breathe. I could hardly smile. I could hardly feel. I could hardly.. I don't know. It's hard for me to find a suitable word to describe my feelings now. What I can say now is that I'm so good for nothing. I can't even control my feelings, my actions and my freaking brain to think properly. [Good for nothing] bB feL succeeded at 10:22 PM. Friday, March 28, 2008
It's been 6 days but nothing seems to improve! W-H-Y???!!! I really don't seems to feel good as well. I think I'm getting more and more crazy. Went to the riverside yesterday and i walked home allllllllll the way by myself? Great! I can't believe such a lazy person like me can did that without stopping at all! And I was drunk when i got home! God damn! It's been so long since i had that hung over feeling! Didn't went to school today as I really can't bring myself to do anything at all! Not because of that hung over last night but something that bother me so damn freaking much for the past few days! Thanks for all my loves and buddy out there that keeps texting me to see if I had committed sucide anot! Well, I think I still can cling on for these few days. But, I don't know how long I still can survive if this situation reamin the same!!! I don't like! I don't like to remain in this situation at all! May all good thing falls on me again .. .. .. [you] [Missing him so badly] bB feL succeeded at 11:38 PM. Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I never felt nothing in the world like this before Now I'm missing you I'm wishing that you would come back through my door Baby I will wait for you If you think I'm fine it just ain't true I really need you in my life No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you  After so many days of soul-searching since Saturday, I've realise that I'm utterly wrong for what I've done that day. Maybe my action is abit too over, but. Well, what's done cannot be undone. I don't want to explain more to cover what I known it's wrong! I'm really sorry to that special someone and I really felt so affected by it ever since that day. Maybe my brain had gone short-circuit and gone berserk. I just can't analyse what's is right and what's wrong till I've cool down and think about it again. Now I really feel so so bad. There's high chance that you'll not read my blog. But I'll still write something here just in case you pop by and you can read this. Now all I'm asking for is forgiveness from you. And I'm once again truely sorry to that few dudes out there. Thanks for not bearing grudges with me though I've sent out some sarcastic remarks on that day (even to those that were not there at that point of time but still received the message). Thanks for all the advise and care though I did something so wrong. And sorry for spoiling those happy mood. Once again SORRY, SORRY AND SORRY is what i can say now. Thing's just so not right for me for the past few days. I wonder why. Bad things comes in tonnes but they don't fuck off in tonnes as well. Why? Ok. Emotional enough for the past few days. Guess readers is getting bored. Random pictures since the day I bought my phone ::: Taken in the toilet before Econs exam This is a funny picture but I've got no mood to tell u why it's so funny now 1st picture taken with my 5 pixels camera :) Cool right? [Feeling so lost without something] bB feL succeeded at 5:46 PM. Sunday, March 23, 2008
I realise that I can blog so damn much recently till I didn't even realised! Either happy or sad. I've become so dependant on this shit lame thing. It's has become part of my life. Something that I'll definately do when I'm in trouble, when I'm feeling happy, when I really need to burp somethings out to feel better. I think it's something not very good because it only meant 1 thing. I do not have anybody to talk to anymore! The feeling for that incident I've been through yesterday doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Ok. It still mean alot to me. Fine! I'm bad at hiding my feelings. Once again FUCK is still the word to describe my feelings now. bB feL succeeded at 10:46 PM. Saturday, March 22, 2008
Everytime our eyes meet This feeling inside me Is almost more than I can take Baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away I've never been this close to anyone or anything I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you The smell of your skin The taste of your kiss The way you whisper in the dark Your hair all around me, baby you surround me You touch everyplace in my heart Oh it feels like the first time everytime I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes P/s: Baby I'm 'amazed' by you :) bB feL succeeded at 11:01 PM. There's only 1 word to describe my feelings now FUCK ! And guess I shall remember this special day for that special someone causing this special feeling that make me ESPECIALLY feeling sick! Feeling so damn fuck now! Hard to imagine what I've done and what I've receive from that special someone. Everybody only see the part when I've gone insane~ But, anybody know the story behind it? Anybody know what I've been through? Anybody know how much hard work I've put in it? NO!! Nobody will know. Nobody can see. Nobody will understand!!! It's not that I wanna make things to this situation. I guess maybe because I've got enough of all this shit. I think I've changed and accomodated MORE than enough. The rest is left with that special someone out there to feel and understand what I've been through and change to the better. But i seriously don't think that this will come true because that special someone will never think for others! And well, there goes the story~! Fuck!! P/s: (1) Apologise for some sarcastic remarks that I've made to those dudes out there who are not involve. The message were sent out of furious and I hope that you guys will understand how I feel and that I really don't meant anything at all. And still, you guys proved 1 thing to me - friends help friends and lies means lies. (2) To that special someone, I'm willing to apologise if you STILL thinks that it is my fault because I make you lose your face infront of those dudes. But think TWICE about it in my shoes for once and for LAST. I don't have to explain and tell you more for what I've done. If you have the heart to feel and think for others, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND (but the facts is that you've NEVER understand) I do hope that things can come in good condition and ENDS in good condition. ONCE AGAIN, FUCK IS WHAT I COULD SAY NOW! bB feL succeeded at 3:20 AM. Friday, March 21, 2008
Hmmm. life is so free now! No exams and No work today :) Not meeting anybody today because i really need a good rest and lots of time to stick my butt on my computer chair playing with my lovely com =D Play some online game and update abit of new application to my new HP :) Of caused, not forgetting to post abit on my blog! Talking about gaming, i feel like a QueenofGamble sia!!! I play what win what! Hahah. I'm really not sure whether is just my luck of the day of i'm so damn good at it la~ Let the picture show more SEE!! They dio trush by me la  One of them dio trush till minus alot of points than run! The rest keep laughing than say i too fierce make him run. Than here comes another player and.. .. Dio trush by me again :)  Than after that all run and left me in that room. Hahahahahahahaha!!! I feel so bored of winning already. And since there's no more fun winning in big2.5, i went to play something i so not good at ---- MJ :( I didn't win alot in MJ la. Even if i win also those 0 'tai' :) hahaha. At least a sense of accomplishment because i've never win MJ in my entire life before (I so proud to say that i don't know how to play MJ) And still can win la :) Until when i wanted to offline and proceed for some TV show, I won a a '7' tai la~ WAHAHAHAHA!!! Once in a lifetime thingy for me la~ I told you my luck is so damn good already :) I swear i really don't know how to play MJ la! It's really pure luck!! I just throw whatever I don't like than got 'hu' button i press. That's all i did. Can't imagine i can still make a 7 'tai' out of my stupidness!!!!!!! Sorry, i was to happy to snap a picture as a proof :) Well. something wrong with my phone or can say my device connector :( Shall post that Jak and Nu's NICE picture up when i manage to transfer the data in my computer :) Stay tune =D bB feL succeeded at 10:01 PM. Thursday, March 20, 2008
Finally Econs exam had finished. End of it! -Economics- DOWN! Well, many of you might be wondering how i did for my exam right? I hereby announced that i totally screw the whole exam! I was freaking nervous till i can't even hold my pen properly for the 1st hour of my paper. Hand shivering and sweating like hell, stomachache like never before! Damn it! I'm such a useless fool. I have never conquer exam fear in my life before. Can someone please suggest some ways to make me cool down and relax for exam? It's been almost 4years since i graduate from my 'O' level, which means almost 4 years since I had my last EXAM!!! I really know all the answer by the first look at all those question la!!! Don't say all, say at least if i can relax and write properly, i can confidentally say that i can at least get a 65marks/100marks for that paper la!!! Fret! All i ask now is to get a 50/100 for this exam so i do not need to spend that freaking $160 to take that freaking expensive sub. paper!!!!!! Please~ i only wish for 50marks when i study like hell for the pass few days. Not very greedy right? I think i at least deserved a pass for all my hard work la! But anyway, exam had finished~ For this 3days i'm gonna have tonnes of my beauty sleep and tonnes of enjoyment (playing my NDSL, out out out, etc etc etc)!!!!! People who wanted to date me for so long~ please come come come! You only have 3 days to choose and book! First come first serve basis!!! =D For my loves: Let cheers my loves~! Though i think i didn't do quite well for my paper, i still wish you girls all the best :) WE ALL DESERVE A PASS RIGHT GIRLs?! Sorry my loves, I can't join you all for the movie! Let's plan for another one ok? And our BBQ!!!! Yeah~ 3days of total enjoyment before our next module starts [again?] Enjoy to the highest peak :) P/s: pictures will be up tomorrow! I need my beauty rest now! bB feL succeeded at 10:44 PM. Monday, March 17, 2008
Work in the morning Holland V. studying with Jak :) Loves ME! Counting down to 3 MORE days!!!!!! bB feL succeeded at 4:06 PM. Sunday, March 16, 2008
I'm so proud to announce my new born baby --- Nokia N82! Welcome to my world :) I simply just love this phone soooo much! The features and the camera rocks my world! Say good-bye to Sony Erission k810i (which baby took away from me months ago) and that shity Nokia 6280 (should have burried it underground long ago) :( I just can't leave without my new phone now!!!!!! New-Loves :))))))   So cool right?!!??!! (bling bling**)  However, I simply STILL love the black series of that N82. Too bad I'm in need of a proper 100% working condition phone. If not i guess I'll definatly wait for the new launch of the black N82 :( Black is my loves!!!! (see my blog's background also black =D) Anyway, I'm also not sure if the black and white is launching an Singapore anot! I hope it's not!! So I won't feel tempted to change my Titanium to Black :) Damn chio la!!!!!!!  SEE!!!! It's sooo much nicer hor?!  I also want a black one!!!! Get alive baby fel! Don't be greedy!! You ALREADY have a very good and nice phone! Be CONTENTED!!!!!!! :) *Slap myself hard hard* Splurge is a way to ease my sadness and a way to relief stress :) Enough of pamperation. -Envy Me- Back to revision. Exams in 4days time. Econs sucks big time! bB feL succeeded at 3:33 PM. Something bad actually happened to me yesterday which i think i need to voice out to clarify my innocence. It's not something serious as in being accused for murder or whatsoever. But it's a matter of being accused and lead to family disgrace (which i think is very unfair to my family members). I would not state in detailed about people involve and what actually had happened as i do not wish to make the matter even bigger. All i wishes to do now is to blog about what i wanted to say last night so i will feel much better and stop crying as a promise to myself. All i wish to say was: "A", please spare us sometime and let us have some air to breathe can? You are really forcing us to the max and we really can't take it any more. Please do not call my house at late night and disturb my family members can? They did not do any harm to you neither they knew anything about this incident. Please spare a thought for others if you wan someone to listen to you. And of caused, i need to voice out to those things that you've mention yesterday that i did not do anything like what you have stated and i don't care what you want to think! But please do not insult me in that kind of manner. I 've been very good enough to let you insult for the previous few times but this does not mean that i'm guilty enough to let you scold as you wish! I respect you and i do not wan to blow the matter big. That's all~ For people that know me through enough will know that I would not be stupid to let someone scold for nothing if i'm not in the wrong. Thus, you should be happy that I've allow you to scold for so many time. Frankly speaking, I think there's some problem with the method you use to others. And many time, I think the words / sentence that came out of your mouth are very well ridiculous. Please do not use direct insult to hurt me and my family member as we did not kill anybody from your side. If you really feel unhappy about us you can call police (like what you have always mention). If you do not have any of my house information you can call me and i'll be happy to give you in detail. Let the police handle! Please do not pressurise us anymore can? I know you are lonely, pathetic and you needed someone to accompany. But please allow everybody to have their own time and space as well can? People grow, people have their own life in future, people changed. They will not be sticking with you forever till you... (I'm already STILL trying to be nice!) If you really want to sort things out with all of us. FINE! You can always give me a buzz (provided you willing to really LISTEN to what we have to say instead of having the whole conversation by yourself by insulting and being nasty to others). If you continue to do all this shits, I believe you'll hurt even more people around you. And people around you that loves you as well. I'm really trying to help and willing to solve problems. Don't always be 1 sided and do everything your own way. Frankly speaking i still have tonnes to say but i'm still trying to press my feelings down so as not to be rude and nasty towards you. AND, i still respect you and please don't force me to the max till i really don't give it a damn ANYMORE! Lastly, please don't use vulgarity on me and my family member thinking that you are really so fantastic. We do not owe you anything and i seriously do not think that we all deserve all this shits from you. Think about it! If there's no problem with you thus people won't be leaving 1 by 1 right? Do some reflection yourself someday and think about it. I really had enough of you!! Really!! But if you willing to talk nicely to me (it don really meant to apologise to me), really only meant to talk nicely and treat me good from today onwards, i'll forgive about what you've done to me and my family. Last, in conclusion, I really do not wish to make the matter big (not that i'm guilty and scared) but not to hurt more people and get more people involved. If you still want to continue with your childish behaviour and causing so many people in trouble and all i could say is that I'm really sorry. I'll stand up and protect people i love and people that are around me so as not to let anyone get hurt. Don't force me please.! I really don't wish to see the situation becoming that worst in future. Please do some good deeds to the world and people around your side. Don't caused people around you to live in misery anymore. I can feel how much they'r hurt by you always doing so many so many 'funny' and stupid things. People reading please do not come and ask me what has happened as i really do not wish to talk about it anymore. I understand you all care but please give me some space to breathe. It's getting out of control and i unbelivable cried for so long. I need rest and need time to settled my feelings and to study for my exam. bB feL succeeded at 12:25 PM. Saturday, March 15, 2008
I haven't been revising for my exam since thrusday! I think I'm gonna die in exam if this continues. I swear I'm really very very tired working and schooling at the same time. But I believe i can do this since so many people had already proven that working and studying at the same time will not affect their result! I CAN DO IT!! I KNOW I CAN! JIAYOUS FEL :) Time to get alive! I need to get back and burnt my midnight oil now~ byes! bB feL succeeded at 11:38 PM. Thursday, March 13, 2008
Submitting my assignment makes me so wonderfully GOOD!!! LIFE CAN NEVER BE HAPPIER WHEN ASSIGNMENT IS COMPLETLY DONE :) ktv session with my colleagues after school :( heavy rain spoil part of my happy mood. miss my baby sooooooo muchhhhhhhhh <3 [sleepy mood] bB feL succeeded at 12:08 AM. Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Assignment is gonna due tomorrow~! It is left with some copying and pasting part by Mel :) Glad~ Finally 1 assignment down!!! Good Luck to our last minute's master piece.
Well, in 8 more days it gonna be my Econs exam~! Exams is one of the thing which i hate most on top of assignment, homework, lecture talk and other freaking classmates except for my loves :) Can say bascially i hate almost everything! And stupid Kaplan actually needs us to PASS our examination in order to pass the whole MODULE!!!!!! Assignment is only some shits to make our marks slightly higher ~! Deh! But lesson and assignment can never be great without my loves :) Baby is once again freaking me off~ But i'm glad at least he took a grin of initiatives to comfort me from blasting off from the earth :) I love him and I hope there'll never be a day that I'll need to consider to leave him (which means he has almost reached my level of endurance and I personally think that I do not deserve all this at all!) Love him tonnes <3 It's ramdom pictures from the past few days again The centre-parting (Denstiny Child ?)  So coincidence meh? but they are not couple :)
 Random in the toilet while Q-ing up
This is all we had today when doing assignment :( 
while preparing to go out on last sun =D Finally have some make-up on my face :)))  me loves! at WCP's mac on last sat (bitching session 2)
 Good Luck to me for my up-coming exam :) I'm comfirm sticking with my loves till the last core module :) Finally can have at least 1 day of my beauty sleep :) No more school till thurdays :) (BUT it means EXAMINATION!) :(((((
bB feL succeeded at 12:20 AM. Monday, March 10, 2008
I SO HATE ASSIGNMENT!!!! BUT I GUESS ... ... I HATE BABY EVEN MORE !!!!!! bB feL succeeded at 10:47 PM. Lovely date BUT! FUCKING HEADACHE once i reached home! stupid thumb drive is driving me NUTS Date saved all gone~!!!!!! p/s: The Leap Year is absolutly NICE :) bB feL succeeded at 1:19 AM. Friday, March 7, 2008
Happy Birthday to 'MAMA' Life is very stressful ever since the 'Wonderful' school term starts :( Work, School, Revision AND Assignment are making me crazy. As you peeps can see, I have not been blogging since 1st of March :( So, here's a random one! Days has been good thou stressful. Baby has been supportive and loving for the pass few days ever since 'THAT DAY'. Hopefully he learn his lesson =D Meets my girls twice this week :) Joe has been very thoughtful at work for the past few days (less 'mojo' mood swing from him) My babes and dude is still as fun in school. Life will never be any better w/o them ^^ My long-waited K session with my girls on 06.03.08 (Thursday). Was a rush hour thus no pictures taken :((((( Some random pictures found in my phone with my Local Babe(S) and Dude (no 's' cos there's only 1) it says 'ham burger', 'french fries' ... ... in my econs class (#$%^&*)  they are obviously not paying attention in class! The only guy (that always didn't shave) his moustache Our 'must have' energy booster on the table caught melissa sleeping last saturday when doing assignment Oh yah, I didn't mention that I've got a new colleague from Hong Kong (here in S'pore for 5days attachment only). He is super cute please~ Tall & cute :) Me love! Ali (the handsome dude) & me *with extra at the sides disturbing* Close view (I think he look so much nicer in real life) My face look damn dead tired la :(
From left: John, Zul, Ali :) and Joe a.k.a. big head (Ali agreed as well =D) Went to Lerin's house on Tuesday to meet my girls~ Shermyn help me do my favourite French Manicure for FREE!!!! :) Loves ♥
When i reached home, my pathetic toe nail just fell off !!!!! Damn scary please~~~~~~ YES!!! It's my real toe nail, not those artificial stick on kind!!! Damn disgusting !!! I didn't injured my nail nor hit my leg on something hard to makeit fell off. It just couldn't make any sense why it just dropped off like that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My pathetic toe without nail :( Ok! Random enough to keep you all update for the past few days :) [Off to do my research :(((((( ] P/s: So afraid to get seperated with all my loves the next module :( Hope all of us get into the same class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -I Wish- bB feL succeeded at 8:43 PM. Saturday, March 1, 2008
I skipped my work today because i'm super tired and i'm really suffer headache when i woke up :( I'm getting broke soon if i continue to skip work! Went to BQ to celebrate Lester's 22nd birthday than head to another pub for Chris's birthday. What a messy day! Damn lots of thing happened within blink of my eye and it's so chaostic there la~ I just felt like ABCDEFGHIJK~ Lucky i managed to surpress my feeling and didn't really show off much of my attitudes. If not i guess things wouldn't have been ended in a nicer way. I must cool down because i'm sort of the one person that is awake :) Who cares~ i'm such a good drinker :) Hahahahaha. Went to bed at 7plus am. Went route march with tyson from 4plus am to 6plus because of that ZYXWVUTSRQP~!!! Makes everyone so worried for him la~ Don't wish to say much about that incident since it's over but i just wish to type abit of it here to relief bits or my stress. I need somebody to talk to!!! God daRn tired now please ~~~ [I didn't do any revision for this weekend. I'm feeling so guilty but still, not to a extend that it can motivate me to do it now :D ] bB feL succeeded at 10:20 PM. Project = Bitching session Let the pictures explain it all~ Melissa was caught by us 'romantic-ing' with her ... 'friend' (that's what she claims)  Mel, Jak, Nu and me (NICE PIC!)  3 cute ones (LOOK AT JAK'S POSE~!!!)  Jak and me (who always like to 'suan' me)  Mel and me (the chinese that look like mina)  Nu and me (the malay that look like chinese) **Can see my obvious eye bag**  Melissa and me (that lil miss JOKER)  Can see how 'hardworking' we are la  Mel the 'photographer' which successfully manage to get all of us in the pic  I know i'm a bad photographer (Melissa is missing)  Love them so much la~ They are just so funny! Me & my new loves :) Decided to change my blog song after all this while. Was listening to my mp3 on the way to school and feel that the lyrics of this song simply suits my feeling now. 就算是轻轻的呼吸心还是感觉痛 没有你的日子里我变得好脆弱 轻轻一碰仿佛就要飞走 口袋里的双手曾被你温柔紧握 布满思念的空气该怎么去摆脱 天灰的好寂寞快乐悲伤被你左右 说一千遍我爱你都不够 就这样不贪心我慢慢的走 只要有你陪着我再苦我能承受 说一千遍我爱你也都还不够 有一天我总会看见幸福的彩虹 相信你给的承诺我等候 P/s: I hope baby will keep his promise this time <3 bB feL succeeded at 8:41 PM. |
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